A tear came to Roger's eye as he heard the late, great Sandy Denny sing 'Who Knows Where the Time Goes?' on the wireless.
Maude had no sympathy as she muttered, "You spent most of it down the Dog and Duck so don't start crying now as time runs out!"
#NewAlanBennett
Simon bumped into one of the Cusack sisters the other day. "It could have been Sinead, Sorsha or Niamh. I'll never be sure."
Mam asked, "Was she with Jeremy?"
"Jeremy?"
"Sinead's husband Jeremy Irons."
"Does he do the washing as well?"
A week of silence has ensued.
#NewAlanBennett
Gran glared with disgust at the grey sky and rain. “It’s all Mavis’s fault” she declared flatly
“How come?” asked Mam
“It’s obvious! A bit o’ sun for a few days, and the daft girl only goes and buys a sundress and then makes it worse getting garden seats. Asking for trouble…”
#NewAlanBennett
Brexiteer Barry is disgusted at these men who were born in foreign climes that go around exploiting the good will of the British people and having countless children.
Maureen said, "Boris Johnson is awful, isn't he?" #NewAlanBennett
"This fella said Shakespeare made up words all the time. Was he woke or what?" Arthur announced to his mates in their usual corner of The Feathers. "Do he mean Shakespeare or the fella?" Fred muttered. Graham picked it up and in a loud enough voice opined "Woke wasn't around then." #NewAlanBennett
The front door opened and the sound of wellington boots being decanted could be heard right in the back lobby where Francesca turned to David "Sounds like the Beast from the East is back." With immaculate timing Pa swung round the door. #NewAlanBennett #NewAlanBennettMonologues
Uncle Bert had to remonstrate with Aunty Gwen and he has sewn the curtains together in the front room. They aren't speaking at the moment, evidently he was worried that Gwen's waving to Mildred might be misconstrued as it was a bit Musk. #NewAlanBennett #NewAlanBennettMonologues #MABM
"Fuck!" exploded Frank waving his tablet around "There's another. Look!" #NewAlanBennettMonologues He was right as usual which, as usual, pissed Marjory off every time. "It will have to be shortened.", but to whom should he complain? #NABM should do it he declared. #NewAlanBennett #NewAlanBennet
Frank did a quick scan and has become so very disconcerted. "Evidently there are two!" he said out loud. "Two what?" asked his wife from her corner of the settee. "#Bennetts!" he replied "Look!" Sure enough there they were, "Spot the typo!" #NewAlanBennett #NewAlanBennet
For breakfast, Tony is having a turkey, cranberry, sausage & bacon, sprout, carrot, bread sauce, roast potato, mashed potato, parsnip and stuffing baguette. After all, it's the bread that makes a sandwich. #NewAlanBennett
Mam arranged to meet Neville after the Feathers closed to go to midnight mass. She arranges it every year, every year Neville is in bed fast asleep by midnight. Mam thought this year will be different, knowing it wouldn’t.
#NewAlanBennett
Neville suddenly squatted down, clenched both fists eyes bulging, tongue poking out he screamed in Miss Honeydew’s face. “No Neville it’s haiku not Haka”, explained Miss Honeydew patiently.
#NewAlanBennett
Mam wasn’t sure how Donald Trump will make America great again, but was sure it wouldn’t be as great as that night in Swaffham with Brad, the GI from New Jersey.
#NewAlanBennett
A more sedate Black Friday prototype was invited 50 years ago in the local corner store where old ladies of a certain sensibility jostled good naturedly with others for the last packs of bourbon creams and pan-scourers. No casualties, lots of suppressed giggling.
#NewAlanBennett
#NewAlanBennett
Martin popped round to tell mam about the unexplained drones appearing all over the world. “ They’re spying on us” he said. Mam shrugged well I’ve just bottomed the front parlour, there’s nothing to see here, god help them if they look through next doors windows though”.
Eloise was in her pj's as Kitty entered the kitchen "Ah, good, I've lost the end of the cord, come and help fish it out would you." With that she stepped out and declared "My fox is scratching...." Unable to finish her statement as Kitty couldn't contain herself. #NewAlanBennett
Len would never take Gina to the theatre again. In the midst of a subtle, understated drama of marital infidelity, her repeated cries of 'he's behind you!' ruined the complex, emotional undercurrent of the piece.
#NewAlanBennett
Jack's world was suffused with a horrible cynicism. 'I hope your upcoming marriage', he wrote to Maggie, 'is as warm and loving as Gregory Peck and Audrey Hepburn in Roman Holiday. Which I believe was also 1 hour and 58 minutes.'
#NewAlanBennett
“Do you think it’s just coincidence that t’protests on t’streets of that South Korea started happening a few hours after t’BBC cancelled t’Masterchef Xmas specials?”, Muriel mused…
#NewAlanBennettMonologues
#NewAlanBennett
To Dilys, the kitchen was a culinary utopia where miracles of taste and distinction were regularly unveiled. To Bill, it was a biohazard testing area creating weaponry on a fork.
#NewAlanBennett
"So he turned up to work with a piece of men's hosiery on his penis, which as we all know is a red rag to a bull for middle-class women of a certain age..."
#newalanbennett
Joan is infuriated by the names of the cocktails on the menu. "Filth! Filth! Filth! In my day, it was Sex the Beach and you got pregnant."
Maude quietly ordered a Flirt Fizz, a French Kiss & a Love Affair. How she dreamed of the day of when she could toast Joan's death. #NewAlanBennett
“Some artist in America tapes a banana to t’wall & gets 6 million dollars for it”, Muriel mused. “When I do it, it’s just to keep mice from pinching it out of t’fruit bowl”… #NewAlanBennettMonologues
#NewAlanBennett
Jeremy kicked the snow of his shoes before stepping over the threshold. Gwen greeted him at the door, broom in hand "I don't know, turn round and finish the job."thrusting the handle straight at his nose. #NewAlanBennett
Gary has gone into the toilet to scream 'Not Matt Hancock!'
2 tours of Iraq have left Gary relatively unscathed. It is, however, the former Secretary of Health that flashes back into Gary's nightmares. #NewAlanBennett
Next door, said to mam “I hear your Neville is one of those Champagne Socialists."
Mam admitted Neville did once vote Labour, but he was more Babycham than Champagne.
#NewAlanBennett
Neville turned the pages of the Littlewood's catalogue. He studied each page, making a mental note of each item.
Letting out a long sigh, mam hadn’t the heart to tell him that the catalogue was the Littlewood’s 1972 Christmas edition—the Christmas he lost his father.
#NewAlanBennett
Over on the other place, we had a great community posting #NewAlanBennettMonologues
Thrilled to find they are alive and well and coming back to life here!
#NewAlanBennett
