Muriel‘s Uncle Arnold was a man of few words. In fact, she had only ever heard him saying five of them. Those being “Aye”, “Nay”, “Eh?”, “Oh” - & “Ko-ala”, t‘last of them would always reduce him to a terrible fit of t‘giggles… #NewAlanBennettMonologues
#NewAlanBennettMonologues
Mam was taking down the Christmas decorations as Malcolm walked in.
She was gently wrapping her ceramic reindeer.
"So," said Malcolm, "Putting Rudolph to bed?"
"I've renamed it Olive."
"Olive??"
"Aye," said Mam. "That one that used to laugh and call him names."
“ The 5th day of Christmas, saw Mam come up with her final turkey dish of the year. Neville proposed a toast , to both Mam and the turkey, everyone cheered and with the promise of tomorrow’s sausage and mash make short work of Mam’s final creation of the year”.
#NewAlanBennettmonologues
“I hear that that Kerry Badenough wants to scrap stamp duty,” Muriel mused. “I’m all for it. ‘Appen it’ll make letters & cards cheaper to send through t’post, especially with Crimbo coming up. Not that I get any back, mind”… #NewAlanBennettMonologues
Muriel was disappointed to hear the news of Trent Alexander Armstrong’s imminent departure. “Pointless just won’t be t’same without him & that Donny Osmond”…
#NewAlanBennettMonologues
The front door opened and the sound of wellington boots being decanted could be heard right in the back lobby where Francesca turned to David "Sounds like the Beast from the East is back." With immaculate timing Pa swung round the door. #NewAlanBennett #NewAlanBennettMonologues
Uncle Bert had to remonstrate with Aunty Gwen and he has sewn the curtains together in the front room. They aren't speaking at the moment, evidently he was worried that Gwen's waving to Mildred might be misconstrued as it was a bit Musk. #NewAlanBennett #NewAlanBennettMonologues #MABM
"Fuck!" exploded Frank waving his tablet around "There's another. Look!" #NewAlanBennettMonologues He was right as usual which, as usual, pissed Marjory off every time. "It will have to be shortened.", but to whom should he complain? #NABM should do it he declared. #NewAlanBennett #NewAlanBennet
#NewAlanBennettMonologues Nana was very proud of her new internet skills, "I'm what's known as a NILF" she explained to everyone on the bus.
"No I'm not doing #BlackFriday!" said Nana, "Last year was like a warzone in Asda - it's a no nans land!" #NewAlanBennettMonologues
8:22 PM · Nov 26, 2015
30th November 2015:
"Grandad never wore underpants," said Nana wistfully, "He preferred to go Columbo." #NewAlanBennettMonologues
Jan 1st 2017:
#NewAlanBennettMonologues "I'm not making any UN resolutions this year," said Nana. "They always end in disappointment."
I'm deleting my tweets one by one...Here's one from 2017 that is as fresh as a daisy, unlike #Trump's diaper:
Nana was back on the prunes; the ubiquitous news coverage of Donald Trump had put her right off easy peel satsumas. #NewAlanBennettMonologues
Barbara was worried the neighbours would think she'd gone so European of she hung her new duvet on they line
#NewAlanBennettMonologues
“Do you think it’s just coincidence that t’protests on t’streets of that South Korea started happening a few hours after t’BBC cancelled t’Masterchef Xmas specials?”, Muriel mused…
#NewAlanBennettMonologues
#NewAlanBennett
“Some artist in America tapes a banana to t’wall & gets 6 million dollars for it”, Muriel mused. “When I do it, it’s just to keep mice from pinching it out of t’fruit bowl”… #NewAlanBennettMonologues
#NewAlanBennett
#NewAlanBennettMonologues ..and of course that's when I realised that 2 girls and 1 cup wasn't really going to save on the washing up!
#NewAlanBennettMonologues and I said "It's not a real hashtag until someone mentions Dude Where's My Car."
He said "There you go then!"
Over on the other place, we had a great community posting #NewAlanBennettMonologues
Thrilled to find they are alive and well and coming back to life here!
#NewAlanBennett
"Where have all those minions gone that were trickortreating?" Nan wondered. "Dad told them there was an old witch living here that would bite their heads off", Teddy offered #NewAlanBennettMonologues
8 years ago, I started sending these to people who wrote #NewAlanBennettMonologues on Twitter. The revival of #NewAlanBennetts has brought me great pleasure as I get to use words like forlorn, Mam and sou'wester once more.
