I’m delighted to say that I’ve cloned myself and several lions. I’m beside myself with pride. #lunchpun

On your own post, list five famous people you've either met or have been within a few feet of, but ONE is a lie. Then let your friends guess which one they think is the lie.

1. Peter Shilton
2. Shaun Keaveny
3. Tim Vine
4. Greg Davies
5. William Shakespeare

I recently joined a debating society that meets at a nudist colony - it’s all talk and no trousers. #lunchpun

Any fans of bank robberies?

Put your hands up!

Can’t help but wonder if Glenn Hoddle is such a tedious co-commentator due to something he did in a previous life 😉

You tell yourself you’ll only watch 5 minutes of the skiing, and before you know it you’ve watched 3 hours. It’s a slippery slope. #winterolympics

Violets are red
Roses are blue
I need an eye test
What about you?

A lot of people think Ed Sheeran is amazing, but his cover of The A-Team sounds nothing like the original theme tune.

Consultant: “Any dips during the day?”

Me: “Houmous”

Consultant: “I meant in terms of
energy and mood”

I had a phone call to say that I can take an escort to my next hospital appointment. I’m glad it’s only 45 minutes, as I can’t afford to pay the agency the full hour.

#jokes #hospital

Tall beardy comedian in a loud shirt looking happy as he makes people laugh

Had an excellent gig last night at Allsortz Comedy in Barnet!

A well-run, friendly, and well attended gig with an audience who enjoyed a great lineup of comedians.

My set went down very well, as you can see from the smile on my face!

#standup #parkinsons #disability

Recently I’ve been struggling to put food on the table. I’m fine for money, I just would make a terrible waiter.

#jokes #parkinsons

Tonight!

It’s World Parkinson’s Day.

Why not celebrate by asking someone you know with Parkinson’s if they have tried yoga, cannabis, or turmeric.

#worldparkinsonsday #parkinsons #yopd

Understanding is like marmite: a little goes a long way. Marmite is better on crumpets though.

#ParkinsonsAwarenessMonth

After 8 hours of doing semaphore wrong, I’m starting to flag.

#lunchpun

This is probably my favourite photo I have from my gigs. To be fair, I normally don’t stand still enough to get a non-blurry one!

After 8 hours of doing semaphore wrong, I’m starting to flag. #dadjokes

To be fair, it’s a very convincing costume

Where you can catch me the rest of this month:

Friday 14th: Raw Comedy, Evesham

Sun 16th: Hot Water Comedy Club, Liverpool - New Act Night

Sunday 23rd: Leeds Laughter Lounge

Thurs 7th: The Grin Distillery, Cheltenham

Tonight at Fat Penguin in Moseley was the first of several gigs this month. It’s fair to say it went incredibly well! Brilliant audience and I was buzzing afterwards 🤩

Me as a teenager listening to Rage Against The Machine:

“We gotta take the power back!”

Me in my mid-forties:

“We gotta take a power nap”

Make new friends today by wishing everyone in West England a happy St David’s Day 🌼

“If people don’t respect your boundaries, cut them out of your life”

Ben Stokes

An unsatisfactory climax for the O’s.

#facup

Cashier: can I get an email from you?

Me: I would prefer a paper receipt

Cashier: ok

Me: iwouldpreferapaperreceipt@gmail.com

Schools every other day of the year: Please provide a healthy snack for your child.

School discos: Please allow us to fill your child with enough sugar to put a diabetic in a permanent coma.

Mount Everest: Nepal hits climbers with higher permit fees The price to climb the world's tallest peak will soon increase for the first time in almost a decade.

$15,000 to climb Everest?! That’s a bit steep!

www.bbc.com/news/article...

👏👏👏

Lowest point of your day - maybe. A dip, definitely.