My fat son thinks he can walk all over me, huh? Well, I admit at his current size that would probably be lethal. But his fat ass will have to catch me first!
#dumbson #fitdad
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My fat son helped me setup broadband wireless today. Now I can deride him from every room in the house!
#dumbson #techdad
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Both my son and my wife are on the naughty list, but for different reasons!
#dumbson #horndoglarry
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I don’t support this unless they have proof it’s what made my fat son stubborn and mean. In that case, I’d rather him be nice and in a wheelchair.
#dumbson #caringdad
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This lethal combination of football and chicken is going to be my fat son’s doom. He’s already preordered several buckets!
#dumbson #fitdad
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Last January 6th, my fat son pissed me off so much that I blocked his truck in with my car in a drunken rage. Mr. Trump, please do NOT pardon my son until he says sorry.
#dumbson #gooddad
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Trump should assign my big fat son to be head of the Department of the Interior of the Fridge! He’s got better experience than anyone! #Fatso #Dumbson
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Woah! He's like a supervillain of dick-riding. Keep up the good work Kash Money, I hope my fat son becomes more like you one day.
#dumbson #plutocrat #kashmoney
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I'm going to use my office hours today to... Oh shit! I don't have a job! Guess I'll show up to my fat son's work and deride him.
#dumbson #unemployed
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Our dicks are of equal lengths son, I just checked last night!
#dumbson #staglarry
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I wish my @bigfatson.bsky.social had an ultra competitive mindset. The only thing he’s never satisfied with is dinner!
#dumbson #hatemyson
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This seems about as stupid as my dumb fat son, and lord knows he can float!
#dumbson #bigfatson
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I bet it is my fat son. It’s doing the digestive work of 300 spartan warriors against an army of 10,000 technologically advanced carbohydrates.
#dumbson
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Oh yeah? Well, excuse me, but I’m a bit concerned your fat ass broke my favorite chair!
#ingrate #dumbson
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If my fat 32 year old son told me this, I’d slap his belly and watch the waves of pudge undulate.
#dumbson #fatboy
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Woah! Look at that rippling man muscle. Reminds me of when I put my son in a sturdy headlock this morning. Except, he’s not a panther, he’s a big whiny fatty.
#dumbson #fitdad
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I was out going for a jog and my fat son couldn’t match my considerable pace, so I told him to catch up. Next thing I know, he
tucked in his arms and legs and began rolling towards me. I said hey, that was pretty clever, my big fat bowling ball boy.
#dumbson #fatidiot
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Took a moment from screaming at my fat son just to click this link and read long enough to get you revenue!
#dumbson #manningfireworks
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Mr. Looney, if you’d have me, I’d give your hips the Beerman Family secret Rubdown until you can fly again. I wish my son was hardworking and noble like you… but hope, he’s 5’3 and walrus sized.
#warriors #looney #dumbson
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Ok fine, I’ll admit it. I told my wife my big stupid and fat son ate her leftover tiramisu, but it was me. I was 13 Coors deep watching Moana 2, when a pang of hunger struck me like an earthquake. Anyway, my son is still an ingrate.
#hungylarry #moana #dumbson
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I heard they’re gonna play an exhibition death match against 15 wide-eyed Uyghurs Mr. Tsai personally tortured for the occasion. I wish I could send my fat son over to build character in a labor camp.
#nba #dumbson #china
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So has Larry Beerman! Follow me here for the best son hating and wife resenting content!
#dad #dumbson #badwife
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My boy asked me for help with his new sales job so I just picked up some training treats from PetCo. My big corpulent son is so food motivated!
#dumbson #sales #prouddad
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A lot of whining today from woke libs about the evils of health insurance companies. Well, I for one, agree. If somebody doesn’t approve ozempic for my embarrassingly fat son within 24 hours, I’m setting him on fire.
#maddad #dumbson #fatson #uhc
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I wanna hear their plan to shrink my big corpulent son. He’s looking like a cyber-truck without the cool gadgets!
#dumbson #smallgovernment
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My fat son spoke to me last night and I told him to stop fighting on and give up. He’s gonna have to lose 200 pounds and make $100,000 before he gets even a shred of encouragement!
#toughlove #dumbson
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My fat son got denied for GP-1s and is all upset. Guess my lazy corpulent boy is gonna have to do things the right way instead of the easy way! He said he was going on a trip to Manhattan but I’m sure he’ll be back any minute.
#fatson #dumbson #fitdad
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I only drink ice cold Coors. That other stuff will make you as fat as my grouchy old son! He’s 5’3 by the way.
#dumbson #bigoleboy #fitbeerdad
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