📺 I heard on the news that some guy was stealing wheels off police cars…
The police are working tirelessly to catch him.
#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan
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#groan
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🌟 Lost my life's research on how to cure excessive itching…
Looks like I'll have to start from scratch
#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan
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😂 I stayed at a horrible motel called The Fiddle…
in reality it was a Vile Inn
#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan
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🤒 I'm so sick of the letter N…
Always being the center of attention.
#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan
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⌨️ I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a big barcode…
. I said "are you two an item?"
#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan
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🍼 I'm in search for someone to assist with milking cows on my dairy farm…
Must work well with udders.
#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan
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🎩 People really shouldn't have kids after 20…
That’s just way too many!
#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan
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⛏️ The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking, but the invention of the broom was the one that truly swept the nation…
That said, it was the invention of the wheel that really got things rolling.
#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan
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🎵 I warned my daughter about using her whistle inside and gave her one last chance…
Unfortunately, she blew it.
#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan
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⛏️ I quit my job to pursue a career in archaeology…
Now my life is in ruins.
#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan
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Being in America means I have to listen yo Americans commentate on England v Uruguay. Really putting their weight behind the water break/timeouts. Americans cannot conceive of a sport without timeouts. Would live to hear Bielsa’s opinion. #groan #lufc #football
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💍 Two slices of bread got married. The wedding was amazing…
Until someone decided to toast the bride and groom.
#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan
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⚡ I told my boss that 3 different companies are after me, so I need a raise if he wants me to stay. He asked which companies…
I told him, the gas company, the electric company and the water company.
#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan
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🎩 I told my wife that I thought our kids were spoiled…
She said they all smell like that
#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan
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🌳 A quick shoutout to all of the sidewalks out there…
Thanks for keeping me off the streets.
#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan
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🚗 I asked my friend why he gave up his career as a Farmer…
He said he chose the wrong field.
#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan
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🏷️ The furniture salesman told me, "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!”…
I said, "Where am I going to find 5 people without any problems?"
#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan
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🐭 Three moles are in a tunnel. The first says, "I smell sugar." The second says, "I smell honey"…
The third says, "I smell molasses."
#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan
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🎩 What did the note on the bulletin board say?
HELP! I'm under A TACK!
#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan
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📝 My friend can't decide whether she wants to be a hairdresser or a short story writer.
#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan
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💸 I liked the Harry Potter series…
But I feel like Nearly Headless Nick was poorly executed.
#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan
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#Groan 😄
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🌟 How do you measure how heavy a red hot chili pepper is?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now!
#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan
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⚰️ Anyone can get a casket…
But to be cremated you have to urn it
#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan
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🖊️ How many feet are in a yard?
It depends on how many people are standing in it.
#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan
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✍️ George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Matthew McConaughey get together to make a movie…
Clooney says, “I'll direct.”, DiCaprio says, “I'll act.”, McConaughey says, “I'll write, I'll write, I'll write!”
#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan
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🐮 What do you get when you cross a Cow with an Octopus?
A meeting with the ethics committee and the swift removal of your research funding!
#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan
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