(A late) Throwback Thursday!
This 1983 Dave Richards pic shows T366 at Stratford Junction as the signalman prepares to hand the driver a very large dildo.
We don't ask why. We're not here to kink shame or question people's sexual interests.
#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday
Good morning Melbourne!
No April Fools Day joke from us today.
We already have Fake Yarra Trams and they’re a complete joke all year round.
#MetroTrains
ticket inspectors at Box Hill station wonder what they’re going to do for the next month? #MetroTrains
Good morning Melbourne!
In response to the current fuel crisis the Vic Govt has made public transport free across the state from 31st March until the end of April.
Our ticket thugs will continue to aimlessly roam the network, deprived of their natural prey.
#MetroTrains
My very full super limited express rail replacement bus from Camberwell circa 10.30pm Friday night #metrotrains
This Aug 1981 Weston Langford pic shows Parcels Van 2CM near West Footscray.
Parcel Vans were an efficient way to send illicit drugs around Melbourne. After the withdrawal of parcel services, dealers resorted to other methods of distribution.
#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday
Metro 5.30pm Update:
Heavy rains across parts of Melbourne this afternoon.
Given our rail infrastructure is not rated to handle any type of weather we're quite surprised there's no major delays, incidents or other shitfuckery.
#MetroTrains
Metro Safety Systems Failed When Passenger Was Attacked
#MetroTrains #MelbourneSafety #PublicTransport #AusNews
thedailyperspective.org/article/2026-03-22-metro...
Good morning Melbourne!
Today (Mar 21) is World Day For Glaciers.
To acknowledge this important event we're offering free travel across our network for glaciers today.
www.un.org/en/observanc...
#MetroTrains
This Dec 1963 Weston Langford pic shows S310-313-316 leading a Sydney-bound Intercapital Daylight Express at Spencer Street.
Before the station rebuild, rebrand and architectural crime scene which somehow manages to be worse in every way.
#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday
Imagine getting drunk, deciding to get public transport home and trying to work out why the fuck your bus isn’t moving.
#MetroTrains
Metro 5.35pm Update:
All lines are running well this afternoon.
This is because we spent most the day scrolling TikTok and completely forgot to organise any fuckups.
#MetroTrains
Good morning Melbourne!
A limited trial of contactless payments starts today, allowing passengers to travel on public transport without using a physical Myki card.
We’re excited to bring you new and exciting ways to fare evade.
www.abc.net.au/news/2026-03...
#MetroTrains
Throwback Thursday!
This 1949 pic shows the refreshment room at Warragul.
Much has changed since then: The refreshment room has closed and been replaced by vending machines charging $6 for a bottle of Coke, and the women are all likely dead.
#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday
Good morning Melbourne!
Guess who prepared a Throwback Thursday post, got drunk and forgot to move it from Draft to Publish status? Definitely not us.
Anyway, next up is a yesterday's Throwback Thursday post.
#MetroTrains
Good morning Melbourne!
There are many choices a person makes in life.
Not all of them are good choices.
#MetroTrains
Today is International Women's Day!
We encourage more women to apply with us to become train drivers.
If any of you cute little cupcakes are thinking about it: it's a fun job, you'll look hot in that uniform and you'll never have to reverse park a train.
#MetroTrains #IWD2026
It's not great that some of the busiest rail lines are shut down on busy weekends like this.
Authorities need to ensure there are enough buses and staff deployed, there's accurate timely information, and on-road priority for buses to help people keep moving.
#Melbourne #MetroTrains #bustitution
Throwback Thursday!
This c1980 Douglas Moyle pic shows a St Albans-bound Hitachi at North Melbourne.
The line has since been extended to Sunbury, meaning the daily signal, track and equipment faults now have a much larger catchment area.
#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday
Looking for something to do this Labour Day weekend?
Steamrail Victoria is holding open days! Get up close to historic locomotives and rollingstock, explore the workshop and see firsthand how Victoria's rail heritage is preserved.
Tickets: www.trybooking.com/events/landi...
#MetroTrains
Fire doors between carriages on a train, closed
Thankfully dear reader, there was no fire. #Melbourne #MetroTrains
Metro 5.20pm Update:
Severe thunderstorms are expected across parts of Melbourne this afternoon and early evening.
Our control room is running a book on which line will fall over first. We've got $50 on Hurstbridge.
#MetroTrains
This 1989 Mark Bau pic shows Y104 docking Motorail wagons at Spencer St.
Traveler's vehicles would be driven on to the wagons for transport interstate.
Today, docking means something else entirely and you prob shouldn't Google that at work.
#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday
Metro 5.35pm Update:
Major delays on the Craigieburn line due to a convenient and well-timed equipment fault near Coolarpp. This will ensure you fuckers are delayed getting where you need to be.
#MetroTrains
Metro 3am Update:
All lines are currently operating a good service.
True, no trains are scheduled right now, however it's also because there are no passengers about to fuck things up.
#MetroTrains
Metro 5.25pm Update:
All lines are running well at present.
This is because it’s Friday, we know you want to get home and ya boy Fake Metro has your back.
#MetroTrains
Throwback Thursday!
These June 1975 John Watson pics show the aftermath of a collision between a freight train and Hitachi at Frankston.
Brake failure on the B-class hauled freight resulted in an extreme fuckup and likely a lot of paperwork.
#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday
Metro 5.40pm Update:
Delays on the Hurstbridge/Mernda lines due to an equipment fault near Flinders St.
Trains may terminate/originate at intermediate stations. They also may not. Who the fuck knows? It's Metro Roulette!
#MetroTrains
