Kash Patel Rushed to Hospital After Suffering Trauma of Flying Coach The FBI director was in a state of acute distress on the Spirit Airlines flight.

Kash Patel Rushed to Hospital After Suffering Trauma of Flying Coach
open.substack.com/pub/borowitzreport/p/kas...
#USPol #parody #TheBorowitzReport #KashPatel #PeteHegseth #AirsickBabyForTheWin

NATO Sprays Antipsychotic Medication in Airspace Over White House Norwegian Prime Minister Jonas Gahr Stoere said, “We saw his letter to me as a cry for help.”

NATO Sprays Antipsychotic Medication in Airspace Over White House

open.substack.com/pub/borowitzreport/p/nat...
#USPol #Parody #TBR #TheBorowitzReport

Andy Borowitz (@borowitzreport) It’s unfair that Trump gets to sleep through his presidency and the rest of us have to be awake for it

It’s unfair that Trump gets to sleep through his presidency and the rest of us have to be awake for it -- Andy Borowitz
substack.com/@borowitzreport/note/c-1...
#USPol #SleepyDonnie #TheNodfather #TheBorowitzReport #AndyBorowitz #humor

Trump Flees to Argentina "I can see where this is going," he said.

Stating, “I can see where this is going,” on Wednesday Donald J. Trump fled to Argentina, vowing never to return.
open.substack.com/pub/borowitzreport/p/tru...
#USPol #TheBorowitzReport #parody #Trump #Argentina #FlyCoachLoser

#TheBorowitzReport

It would be funny if Governor Newsom won.

I’m great with Greta Thunberg winning.

It would be 👩🏽‍🍳💋 if they gave it to Barack Obama just to piss off #🖕🚼💩🔬🍄🤡 djt

DC Mayor Says Best Way for Trump to Empty Streets is by Throwing Another Birthday Parade “Get a bunch of those squeaky old tanks rolling down the streets and you won’t see anyone for miles," Mayor Bowser said.

📢😂🎯‼️

Thanks, Andy!!! 🤣

#OV1 #satire #AndyBorowitz #TheBorowitzReport

open.substack.com/pub/borowitz...

A New Declaration of Independence from Tyranny Effective July 4, 2025

Not so funny today.
#TheBorowitzReport
#FourthOfJuly2025

substack.com/app-link/pos...

Failure on Parade Trump threw himself a $45 million birthday party and nobody came.

Failure On Parade

Trump's birthday crowd did an amazing job of social distancing
open.substack.com/pub/borowitzreport/p/fai...
#parody #TBR #TheBorowitzReport #USPol #DictatorParade #SleepyDon

Trump Puts Musk in Charge of Absorbing All Drugs Coming into US “I can’t wait for Elon to go wild on drugs," Trump said.

The Borowitz Report is not the news, but it could be.

Who knew Elon Musk was a dirty, stinking, drug-den living scab-encrusted, black-eye wearing, drug addict?

#TheBorowitzReport @borowitzreport.bsky.social
#DruggedMusk #DrugAddledMusk #EcstasyElon

Man Who Fell Asleep at Pope’s Funeral was Already Going to Hell, Says God Although snoozing during the pontiff’s funeral was “beyond rude,” the Almighty said that the man clinched his place in the netherworld “decades ago.”

Man Who Fell Asleep at Pope’s Funeral was Already Going to Hell, Says God
open.substack.com/pub/borowitzreport/p/man...
#TheBorowitzReport #TBR #Parody #Trump #PopeFrancis #SleepyDon

Houthis Send Friend Request to Hegseth’s Wife The rebels said that they want to “stay in the loop."

The Borowitz Report is NOT the news...but it could be

#TheBorowitzReport @borowitzreport.bsky.social #PoliticalSatire #HouthisClamBake

Trump Claims Tariffs Were Eric’s Dumb Idea "He was begging me like a dog, so I said yes.”

The Borowitz Report is NOT the news, but it could be.

Eric Trump is one dumb fuck, but it isn't his fault. The rotten apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

#TheBorowitzReport @borowitzreport.bsky.social
#PoliticalSatire

#theborowitzreport #satire #good #one #lol #elon #musk #Wisconsin #election #SethinaSpeak

Greenland Rejects Trump’s Offer to Trade JD Vance for Rare Earth Minerals The island responded with a strongly worded rebuke.

The Borowitz Report is NOT the news, but it could be.

#TheBorowitzReport #PoliticalSatire @borowitzreport.bsky.social

Elon Musk Trapped Inside Self-locking Cybertruck The South African businessman frantically screamed to no avail.

The Borowitz Report is NOT the news...but it might be.

#TheBorowitzReport #PoliticalSatire #CyberDeathMobile

Trump's 200% Tariff on European Alcohol Causes Pete Hegseth to Angrily Resign The departing Defense Secretary called the tariffs "an act of war."

The Borowitz Report is NOT the news.

The Trump tariffs are hurting some more than others.

#PeteTheDrunk #TariffsCrashEconomy #TheBorowitzReport

Trump Warns of Increase in Transgender Mice Since Haitians Ate All the Cats “These mice had nothing to fear because they knew that all the cats had been eaten," he claimed.

The Borowitz Report *MIGHT* be the news.

My neighbor has pet mice. He puts them in little dresses regardless of their sex, and I fault him for having so many transgender mice.

#TheBorowitzReport #TransgenderMice #TheyAreEatingThePets #TrumpLyingIfHisMouthIsMoving

Trump Sets Record for Longest Speech Without Single Fact Republicans were awestruck by their leader’s ability, at the age of 78, to give such a sustained fact-free oration.

**The Borowitz Report is NOT the News**

Well, now, maybe it is the news.

#PantsOnFire #TheBorowitzReport #Pinocchio #TrumpLovesThePoorlyEducated #LowInformationVoters

Putin Scolds Trump: "I Got You Elected and You Haven't Said Thank You Once" “When you were running for president, you didn’t have any cards," Putin shouted.

**The Borowitz Report is NOT the News**

I'm beginning to think The Borowitz IS the news.

#PutinsPuppet #ManchurianCandidate #GivingAwayTheFarm
#TheBorowitzReport #BlueResisters #StopTheSteal

If you need a regular dose of humor in your life, I highly recommend #AndyBorowitz and #theBorowitzReport. That brings at least one guaranteed smile daily. Thank you. #humor #politics

Musk Forms Dept. Of Underaged Clowns Harming Everything (DOUCHE) He boasted that he was “taking DOGE to the next level.”

News bulletin: The underaged “tech bros”working on DOUCHE have agreed to let Mike Johnson hold their penises while they destroy Democracy.

#TheBorowitzReport
#BlueResisters
#MuskEatsShit
#TexasChainsaw
#LeatherFaceMusk
#PedophileMikeJohnson

McConnell Retires: “My Work Destroying this Country is Done” “I retire with my head held high, knowing that I am leaving the country in smoldering ruins.”

Just too perfect *and* spot-on a satire, I had to share it... #TheBorowitzReport

Europe United in Belief That JD Vance is a Prick Attendees credited Vance with ushering in a new era of European solidarity.

open.substack.com/pub/borowitz...
🎯 #thankyouforsayingit #theborowitzreport

Palestinians Propose Taking Ownership of Mar-a-Lago “Right now, Mar-a-Lago is a mess,” the Palestinian spokesman said.

open.substack.com/pub/borowitz... another fantastic publication from #theborowitzreport 🖤

Fucking love #theborowitzreport.

👽
#MarkZuckerberg
#MetaHumor
#CommunityNotes
#SatireNews
#TheBorowitzReport

I fucking love #TheBorowitzReport so much

A Gift from Me Happy Holidays!

#TheBorowitzReport