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Posts by The Turnip

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But these old XXL polyester footy shirts are classics...

#Satire #Spoof #BritishHumour #MiddleAge #MiddleAged #DadLife #ModernLifeIsRubbish #90s #fashion #football

1 day ago 1 0 0 0
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WOOOOAH, BODY WOMAN! Why has that stayed with me???

#Satire #Spoof #BritishHumour #MiddleAge #MiddleAged #DadLife #Nostalgia #TV #Tellyaddicts #Bodyform

4 days ago 2 0 0 0
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Our One True Love 🐶

#Dogs #FamilyLife #Satire #Spoof #BritishHumour #MiddleAge #MiddleAged #DadLife #ModernLifeIsRubbish

5 days ago 2 0 0 0
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TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR WANTING ANOTHER CUP OF TEA.

#Satire #Spoof #BritishHumour #MiddleAge #MiddleAged #DadLife #Polite #British

6 days ago 0 0 0 0
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Teacher Diagnosed With ‘Advertising Tourettes’ After Impulsively Shouting Feminine Hygiene Slogans In Mince Aisle Plus, lazy wees and Olympic grifting

open.substack.com/pub/turnipga...

6 days ago 0 0 0 0
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HDM-WHY IS THIS HAPPENING???!!!

#Satire #Spoof #BritishHumour #MiddleAge #MiddleAged #DadLife #ModernLifeIsRubbish

1 week ago 1 0 0 0
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#Satire #Spoof #BritishHumour #MiddleAge #MiddleAged #DadLife #ModernLifeIsRubbish #Zennial #Zanussi #Hotpoint

1 week ago 0 0 0 0
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A restorative festival of adult apathy, zero chocolate, open roads and mandatory silence.

#TheTurnip #BritishProblems #Easter #GoodFriday #MiddleAge

1 week ago 0 0 0 0
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The reviews are in...

turnipgazette.substack.com

#Satire #Spoof #BritishHumour #MiddleAge #MiddleAged #GrumpyOldMan #DadLife #ModernLifeIsRubbish #Zennial #aristocrats

1 week ago 0 0 0 0
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World’s oldest tortoise caught in viral crypto death scam Fake X account posing as his vet sparked global false reports of Jonathan’s death while soliciting crypto donations

Ok, this headline beats anything I could come up with.

#JusticeForJonathan

www.theguardian.com/world/2026/a...

1 week ago 0 0 0 0
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I wish I could retire six times...

turnipgazette.substack.com

#Satire #Spoof #BritishHumour #MiddleAge #MiddleAged #GrumpyOldMan #DadLife #ModernLifeIsRubbish #Zennial #TysonFury

1 week ago 0 0 0 0
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open.substack.com/pub/turnipga...

1 week ago 0 0 0 0
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It shifts to the right an extra millimetre each year...

#Satire #Spoof #BritishHumour #MiddleAge #MiddleAged #GrumpyOldMan #DadLife #ModernLifeIsRubbish #Zennial #yokel #slackjaw #Deliverance

1 week ago 1 0 0 0
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I always pronounce 'Japaaaan' like the stage in StreetFighter II

#EnglandJapan #football #Ryu #EHonda

2 weeks ago 1 1 0 0
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Truth...

2 weeks ago 0 0 0 0
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Stick it the man...

turnipgazette.substack.com

#Satire #Spoof #BritishHumour #MiddleAge #MiddleAged #DadLife #ModernLifeIsRubbish #Zennial #Starbucks #coffee #winning #smallwins

2 weeks ago 0 0 0 0
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Got a bit confused...

#Satire #Spoof #BritishHumour #MiddleAge #MiddleAged #GrumpyOldMan #DadLife #ModernLifeIsRubbish #Zennial #politics #MDF #DIY

2 weeks ago 1 0 0 0
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The struggle is real...

#Satire #Spoof #BritishHumour #MiddleAge #MiddleAged #GrumpyOldMan #DadLife #ModernLifeIsRubbish #Zennial #hairloss

2 weeks ago 1 0 0 0
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When you know work is busy...where have my Sundays gone? @theobserveruk.bsky.social #yesterdaysnews

2 weeks ago 0 0 0 0
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Local Motorist Convinced The Universe Only Generates Oncoming Traffic Once He Specifically Rounds A Corner Plus, catastrophic broadsheet disassemblage and Dishwasher Tetris

open.substack.com/pub/turnipga...

2 weeks ago 0 0 0 0
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I had a 'Blue Angel' membership...if you know, you know.
#liverpool #liverpooluni #90s #theraz

2 weeks ago 0 0 0 0
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New edition out today! Subscribe on #Substack to never miss us every Wednesday.

turnipgazette.substack.com

#Satire #Spoof #BritishHumour #MiddleAge #MiddleAged #GrumpyOldMan #DadLife #ModernLifeIsRubbish #Zennial

2 weeks ago 0 0 0 0
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New edition of The Turnip out tomorrow. Subscribe to never miss your weekly fix of aggressive mundanity.

turnipgazette.substack.com

#Satire #Spoof #BritishHumour #MiddleAge #MiddleAged #GrumpyOldMan #DadLife #ModernLifeIsRubbish #Zennial

3 weeks ago 0 0 0 0
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turnipgazette.substack.com

#Satire #Spoof #BritishHumour #MiddleAge #MiddleAged #GrumpyOldMan #DadLife #ModernLifeIsRubbish #Zennial

3 weeks ago 0 0 0 0
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Armand Duplantis: Two-time Olympic pole vault champion breaks world record at Mondo Classic in Sweden Sweden's Armand Duplantis breaks his own pole vault world record for the 15th time with a jump of 6.31 metres.

Congratulations on winning the World Indoors yesterday, but this is clearly some sort of grift. The man can obviously vault 7 metres.

I might adopt this strategy this summer with mowing the lawn. 1cm extra each week. Article coming soon.

www.bbc.co.uk/sport/athlet...

3 weeks ago 0 0 0 0
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Disgruntled Vicar Refuses To Acknowledge Fluorescent Energy Drink, Insists On Calling Football Tournament The ‘Rumbelows Cup’ Until His Dying Breath Bring back the defunct 1990's white-goods retailer.

open.substack.com/pub/turnipga...

3 weeks ago 0 0 0 0
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Subscribe to 'The Turnip' today!

turnipgazette.substack.com/p/local-mans...

3 weeks ago 0 0 0 0
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Bold Attempt At Shower Multi-Tasking Initiative Ends In Devastating Under-Toilet Contamination Plus, hair loss and Max Dowman.

turnipgazette.substack.com/p/local-mans...

3 weeks ago 0 0 0 0
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Editorial The best way to sum up Tom, the balding, 45 year old Yorkshireman, father of two teenagers and current Editor-In-Chief of The Turnip, is via an email he sent back in 2012 to Richard Bacon’s ‘Moan In’ ...

turnipgazette.substack.com/p/the-editor

3 weeks ago 0 0 0 0
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About - The Turnip Britain’s most lethargic broadsheet. Click to read The Turnip, a Substack publication. Launched 5 days ago.

turnipgazette.substack.com/about

3 weeks ago 2 0 0 0