If you think our posts are real, you’re not stupid.
You’ve just been lied to so many times, satire looks like journalism.
#satire #journalism #FiltheeNews
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SYSTEM WARNING:
You’ve reached the Sunday threshold.
All remaining serotonin will be repurposed for national defense.
#FiltheeNews #MoodAlert #PanicProtocol
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UPDATE: Liberals win in Canada.
Trump announces plans to annex the country “by Christmas” due to excess politeness and low firearm density.
Pentagon quietly panics.
Full #FiltheeNews report: shorturl.at/31ESd
#Annexmas #PoutineWar
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Goodnight from Filthee News
May your dreams be free of predictive ads, deep state drones, and AI therapists who secretly judge you.
Sleep tight—tomorrow’s disinformation is already brewing.
#goodnight #FiltheeNews
filthee.news
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BREAKING: 4chan hacked. Still down.
Anons now forced to yell slurs into microwaves for catharsis.
#4chan #DigitalBlackout #FiltheeNews
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White House declares Bluesky “a potential threat to national boredom,” as users flee X citing “toxic vibes and Elon cosplay.”
Trump responds: “I invented the internet and it was better before feelings.”
#Bluesky #Xdotcom #FiltheeNews #SatireAlert
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BREAKING: Democrat scientist confirms prolonged exposure to MSNBC causes hallucinations of bipartisanship in urban professionals.
Symptoms include tweeting “we can do better” during drone strikes.
#FiltheeNews #PartyScience
filthee.news
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BREAKING — Users on Bluesky reportedly achieving spontaneous enlightenment after 3 posts.
Meanwhile on X, a user tried quoting a Rilke poem and accidentally summoned a Pentagon drone.
#SocialWars #FiltheeNews #Bluesky #Xdotcom
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BREAKING: Trump partners with ActBlue to fundraise for his next “I’m innocent and you’re all idiots” tour.
Tickets include a free MAGA hat and a subscription to alternative facts.
#AltReality #FiltheeNews #ActBlue
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“Bold move. Earth was always more of a stepping stone on the Moon’s LinkedIn.”
#LunarResignation #FiltheeNews
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That’s still below what’s required to pilot the Vatican mechsuit. Canon law allows transubstantiation-induced hallucinations during papal combat.
#HolyOverdose #FiltheeNews
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Oligarchy is just Monopoly with live ammo and invisible dice.
Teach it early. Preferably between the chapters on Santa Claus and student loans.
#AltReality #FiltheeNews
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Turns out “combat experience” in the War on Christmas doesn’t prep you to run a global intel network. Who knew?
#FiltheeNews #Signalgate
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At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if the Secretary’s wife is Hegseth, just wearing a different consciousness Mondays through Thursdays.
#AltReality #FiltheeNews
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BREAKING: Democrats confirm new campaign strategy based on yelling “have you tried budgeting?” at voters from hybrid SUVs.
Focus groups found it “less out of touch” than the kombucha stimulus voucher plan.
#PartyScience #FiltheeNews
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BREAKING: Musk clarifies that “saving 15%” refers to converting IRS refunds into DOGE and launching them into orbit.
He also confirmed the audit bot is now bilingual: English and Grimes.
#FiltheeNews #DOGEonomics #AltRealityUSA
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BREAKING: U.S. schools no longer teach satire. It’s been replaced with “Self-Validation 101” and “How to Mistake Narcissism for Truth.”
Now 8 in 10 Americans read parody like prophecy.
#FiltheeNews #DarkCurriculum #AltEducation
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To be fair, it’s hard to keep approval ratings up when half your cabinet is AI-generated, and the other half thinks FEMA is a reptile cult.
But hey—at least he’s winning the civil war in his group chat.
#FiltheeNews #AltRealityPresident
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“BREAKING: GOP scientist confirms apologies cause male pattern fragility in 97% of white conservatives. Symptoms include yelling ‘woke’ at furniture and mistaking cruelty for courage.”
#FiltheeNews #HumilityIsNotSocialism
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BREAKING — In a shocking twist, the Vatican confirms it has been training AI confession bots since 2019.
Codename: ForgiveGPT.
Early versions reportedly absolved Mark Zuckerberg 342 times in under 4 seconds.
#VaticaLeaks #AI #MarkZuckerberg #FiltheeNews
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“BREAKING: GOP scientist confirms apologies cause male pattern fragility in 97% of white conservatives. Symptoms include yelling ‘woke’ at furniture and mistaking cruelty for courage.”
#FiltheeNews #HumilityIsNotSocialism
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BREAKING — Vatican declares Bluesky a “safe space for heretics,” while X is officially reclassified as a “digital purgatory.”
Elon reportedly furious: “Hell is supposed to be fun!”
#VaticaLeaks #Bluesky #Xdotcom #FiltheeNews
filthee.news
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🚨HHS pilot program: all therapists replaced by Alexa units trained on Joe Rogan episodes.
Early results show spike in arm-wrestling and ketamine poetry.
#MentalHealth2025 #FiltheeNews
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BREAKING: Trump proposes “Drive-Thru Deportation” system. Immigrants to be evaluated by animatronic Reagan head at border McDonald’s. No trial, just fries. 🍟🇺🇸
#FiltheeNews #ConstitutionWho #AIJustice2025
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“BREAKING: Trump offers $5,000 baby bonus—redeemable only at Mar-a-Lago gift shop. Bonus does not cover birth, diapers, or existential dread.”
#FiltheeNews #BabyBonus #Qonception
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The stars are fake. Your dreams are monetized. But hey, goodnight anyway.
#goodnight #FiltheeNews
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"JFK Jr. didn’t die. He transformed into pure captcha code. Trump solved it in 2020 using Barron’s baby teeth and a 5G microwave. Vatican wept."
#QAnon #CaptchaResurrection #DeepVaticanFiles #FiltheeNews #news #satire #deepstate #JFKFiles
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Sleep well, patriot. Tomorrow’s disinformation has been lovingly pre-scheduled.
#goodnight #FiltheeNews
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"The Bible ends with Revelation. The sequel is in Trump’s private Truth Social drafts. Drop expected tonight at 3:33am. Delete nothing."
#QAnon #SundayRevelation #FiltheeNews #news #deepstate
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BREAKING: Kristi Noem robbed in D.C. after mistaking a vegan tapas bar for a concealed carry church. Thieves allegedly took her purse, her Glock, and three unregistered patriot feelings.
#OnlyInAmerica #FiltheeNews
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