#ChristmasOnTheAlpacaFarm (a mini #Flansmas) 🦙 bsky.app/profile/laur...

#AChristmasPrincess 👸 bsky.app/profile/laur...

#ChristmasAtTheCatnipCafé 😼 bsky.app/profile/laur...

Happy New Year! See you in November for #FLANSMAS 2026! 🎄

It was a bountiful #Flansmas2025 which saw me live-post a whopping 10.5 made-for-TV Christmas movies (.5 because one was a spontaneous mini #Flansmas) 🙏 The movies were...

#ChristmasCasanova 🎧 bsky.app/profile/laur...

#CoupledUpForChristmas 👫 bsky.app/profile/laur...

(1/3)

This bitch starts crying and the gas station guy is like "Do you have a cat?" and she goes "NOT YET! 😭" and drives back through a fucking snowstorm to get to the café AND GRUMPY GINGERBREAD!! SHE IS HIS PURRRRRRRRSON (you're welcome)! 😭😭😭 #ChristmasAtTheCatnipCafé #Flansmas

Okay: Cute Vet has an ex-fiancée and Lead Chick has unknowingly scheduled one of the Christmas events at her business or some shit; again, I wasn't really paying attention because it has been MINUTES WITHOUT A CAT. This is supposed to be A FUCKING CAT MOVIE. #ChristmasAtTheCatnipCafé #Flansmas

Lead Chick starts reading to grumpy Gingerbread and has ANOTHER FLASHBACK to when she read to the cat she found in the tree at her great aunt's house that she named Noel because it WAS FUCKING CHRISTMAS!! HER HEART IS SLOWLY MELTING DUE TO CATS PAST AND PRESENT!! #ChristmasAtTheCatnipCafé #Flansmas

Oh my God: we learn that Cute Vet's dog George Bailey crossed the Rainbow Bridge a few years ago and he hasn't adopted since 😥 Instead of a dead spouse, this movie has a DEAD DOG (way sadder) 😭 #ChristmasAtTheCatnipCafé #Flansmas

Lead Chick has stopped by Cute Vet's place to ask if she can borrow some ornaments to decorate the Christmas tree she has bought for her dead great aunt's house (what?) and she immediately gets horny over his vinyl collection. Then for some reason he goes and helps her decorate her tree. #Flansmas

Cute Vet agrees, but *he* thinks that by spending the next three weeks at the café with him, she'll realize how important it is to the community (umm...) and decide NOT to sell. I'll do you one better, bitch! I bet she falls in love with the cat café AND you!!!!!! #ChristmasAtTheCatnipCafé #Flansmas

Cute Vet stops by Dead Great Aunt's house to pick up the cat café's Christmas binder and Lead Chick is there packing stuff up. She tells him she'll help him make ONE LAST CHRISTMAS at the café if he won't slow down the sale (she is forcing the sale because, again, she is a monster). #Flansmas

Cute Vet is right, by the way. This chick surprise-inherited a freaking CAT CAFÉ from the great-aunt who used to take care of her EVERY CHRISTMAS when her parents bugged off on vacation, and she wants to SELL IT?? WHY ARE YOU A MONSTER?? #ChristmasAtTheCatnipCafé #Flansmas

Lead Chick gets caught checking out Cute Vet through the giant fucking window of his vet practice and then immediately walks into a Christmas tree NOT VERY WIDOW-LIKE BEHAVIOR! I think we can assume there are no dead husbands in her past. But what about CATS?? #ChristmasAtTheCatnipCafé #Flansmas

Okay: right out of the gate, there are already a shit-ton of kitties during the opening credits. This is a smart move. I'm not even a cat person* and I'm already invested. #ChristmasAtTheCatnipCafé #Flansmas

*both of my parents are human

The final #Flansmas of 2025 will be #ChristmasAtTheCatnipCafé, a premise SO COMPELLING that @elizaskinner.bsky.social signed up for the Hallmark Channel JUST to watch it. I am not quite as dedicated, so I've opted for the 7-day free trial. Time for some New Year's Eve PUSSY! 😻 (I'm sorry.) (Truly.)

Then, because you have seen a movie before, you will probably not be surprised to learn that THE FUCKING SOLDIER DAD walks through the door! Because princes from random European countries have the power to get early discharge for American soldiers HAVE THESE WRITERS NEVER SEEN STOP-LOSS?? #Flansmas

Back at the restaurant (remember how Christmas Princess owns a restaurant?), Prince Go-Go Boy Hair has sent her a limited edition print of a photograph that she revealed she was obsessed with in an earlier scene that I did not deem important enough to recap. #AChristmasPrincess #Flansmas

Now he's bitching to her about his domineering mother HARRY WOULD NEVER!!! 😭 The Queen wanted him to marry "a shrew" (does this guy listen to Rogan?) but he was like "I WASN'T IN LOVE WITH HER!!" Then a truly insane thing happens that legitimately seems like it's from a different movie... #Flansmas

Now they're taking a walk and talking about Christmas. She is going to help him LOVE CHRISTMAS as opposed to just KIND OF LIKING CHRISTMAS! This movie isn't super big on "stakes." She just told him she grew up in Hudson Valley AND SHE KEEPS CALLING *HIM* PRETENTIOUS??? #AChristmasPrincess #Flansmas

They're at a small diner (where they have still both been recognized) talking about Christmas comfort foods. His hair is INSANE in this scene. It looks like a small cliff. She's gonna make the menu based on his boyhood comfort foods or something; idk, I was distracted by his hair. #Flansmas

The Queen sees a tabloid photo of her gay son with the Christmas Princess and is like "a COMMONER?? 😱" And I have suddenly realized: is this whole movie supposed to be a Harry and Meghan parallel?? It's from a year after their wedding. IS THE VENISON MEATLOAF A STAND IN FOR "SUITS"?? #Flansmas

You guys, this guy's hair is getting gayer by the scene. His hair has become its own character. Maybe it will challenge her for the right to cater the banquet. #AChristmasPrincess #Flansmas

Assistant Rupert is simultaneously telling the prince "You like this...American 😒" He says it like he just KNOWS she is riddled with HPV (#getvaccinated). #AChristmasPrincess #Flansmas

After a 20 sec. conversation with her mom, she's like "okay; I'll cater for this prince with zero respect for boundaries." Also, FYI, Prince Jack 100% looks like a gay boy go-go dancer in WeHo and Christmas Princess looks like Jennifer Hudson's cousin. She has partial Jennifer Hudson-face. #Flansmas

Hold on, you guys; I have to go feed Pierro dinner. Also, Prince John says his friends call him Jack (way better Prince name) because he is ALSO The People's Prince. #AChristmasPrincess #Flansmas

He is so impressed by her VENISON MEATLOAF (gtfo) that he asks her then and there to cater his Christmas banquet. She is understandably like "What the fuck?" but also, bitch? You are about to lose your restaurant? Why are you being so cunty to a prince rn? #AChristmasPrincess #Flansmas

Back to Prince John (bad Prince name tbh) who is telling his gay chef that he needs to do better and make the food MORE CHRISTMAS-Y for his big upcoming Australian Christmas event. His mom the Queen gets mentioned, so he's gonna have a DEAD DAD. #AChristmasPrincess #Flansmas

Cut to The Prince, who is much more handsome than in the thumbnail; he should sue. He has an "I am a Prince from a fictional country in a Christmas movie" accent (in this case, Australian). Now they're showing a bunch of shots of food cooking. Go off, I guess? #AChristmasPrincess #Flansmas

Peacock's thumbnail image for A Christmas Princess. The two leads both look like they are being photographed under duress.

Tonight for #Flansmas (which runs through New Year's Day), I will be watching #AChristmasPrincess on Peacock. I have selected it mainly because of its thumbnail, which looks like a hostage situation where they are somehow both the hostage.

I meant to just WATCH this movie tonight like a normal person but it was so goddamned stupid that I ended up doing a mini #Flansmas 😑

a smol dachshund-mix in repose with an image of an alpaca covering his ween

They finally smooched and then they showed the sky over the alpaca farm on Christmas morning and it looked NOTHING like the color blue she made earlier. Well, this movie was dumb af (complimentary) but there weren't nearly enough alpaca scenes. This concludes this NOT #Flansmas viewing. #NotFlansmas

You guys, I'm REALLY trying not to #Flansmas this movie but this petite blonde woman from New York City just said that she will do the work of THE ENTIRE TEAM OF FARMHANDS he had to lay off (RIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS), and that is just...clearly a lie. #ChristmasOnTheAlpacaFarm