#LunchPun #badjokefriday My friend and his wife had to get pregnant using IVF. His wife wanted a boy who could become a sailor so they used a nice Navy donor and were impressed by the Able Siemen.
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I've got a great idea for a film about the struggles that scientists have to make cheap nuclear power a reality.
It's called "Fission: Impossible"
#BadJokeFriday
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What your cat wants for Christmas is just the crapping paper.
#badjokefriday
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Hey, has your wife ever been to the arctic circle?
I'll ask her.
#badjokefriday.
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Hey, has your wife ever been to the arctic circle?
I'll ask her.
#badjokefriday.
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"Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?" #badjokefriday
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"Mommy, Mommy, what's an Oedipus complex?" "Shut up and kiss me." #badjokefriday
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I thought opening a door for a lady was good manners, but she just screamed and flew out of the plane. #badjokefriday
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#LunchPun #badjokefriday I’m going to watch the World Incontinence Championships later. There are a lot of bets on the eventual winner, but I reckon the Dutch guy has the best chance so I’ve got a Tena on him.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower? Squeaky clean. #badjokefriday
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What do you call a sad cup of coffee? Depresso. #badjokefriday
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#LunchPun #badjokefriday I went for some ground breaking cosmetic work on the bottom of my face, where they use deep frozen secretions from the glands of rodents that live at high levels.
Chin chillers?
No, some sort of mouse.
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Where was King David’s temple located? Beside his ear. #badjokefriday
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#LunchPun #badjokefriday I run a shipping company using the Suez which is at risk from Somali’s in boats. I hired a very efficient protection company who boarded the boats, arrested and then tied up the bad people on board.
I have given the team a 5 star review on trussed pirate.
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Which Hollywood Celebrity has a sticky.part.of their leg?
George Glue Knee
#Lunchpun #RateMyPun #HaveALaugh #BadJokeFriday
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My girlfriend asked me if I smoke after sex. I said I haven’t looked. #badjokefriday
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#LunchPun #badjokefriday my mate has been sent to prison for selling expensive, fake filter coffee and we don’t have the grounds for an appeal.
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What’s the difference between a Greyhound terminal and a lobster with boobs? One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean. #badjokefriday
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#LunchPun #badjokefriday Following a few policy and voting issues for Sir Kier Starmer, it was revealed in a government report that the Prime Minister is doing the work of two men, Del Boy and Rodney.
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My grandfather lost his tongue during the war. He never talks about it. #badjokefriday
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If someone burns to death, do they get a discount at the crematorium? #badjokefriday
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What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A Roamin’ Catholic.
😀 🤣 😀
#badjokefriday
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Sex is like air. It only matters if you aren’t getting any. #badjokefriday
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I grilled a chicken for an hour. She still wouldn’t tell me why she crossed the road. #badjokefriday
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#LunchPun #badjokefriday I work as an upmarket cosmetic surgeon and specialise in reshaping people’s backsides. Our catalogue allows you to choose a style based on the work of famous painters.
Picasso?
That’s not an option we offer.
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A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Excuse me, is this stool taken?” #badjokefriday
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#LunchPun #badjokefriday I’ve just read in The Times that the Associated Union of Eunuchs is in a dispute over severance pay.
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The worst pub I’ve ever been in was called The Fiddle. It was a vile inn. #badjokefriday
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#LunchPun #badjokefriday I’ve just got employment working for a company named after The Beatles, pulling apart the chewy fruit of a palm tree.
What’s the job?
I’m a date ripper.
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My doctor said that I might die because I accidentally consumed clay. I'm shitting bricks to be honest. #badjokefriday
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